and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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