I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
