summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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