kristin has been a bad kristin
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
