I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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