Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
