I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
whose parrot is this?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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