So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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