is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
