Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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