At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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