He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
