the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
