I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
