No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
