she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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