His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
These tits shall not be calmed
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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