we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
