I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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