I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize