No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
