her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
