Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
