Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
