i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
