eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
