Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
