A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
