Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
