susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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