Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
