I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
