woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
