I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
