is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i think i have two assholes
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
