dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
