I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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