You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
