Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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