I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
