She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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