What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
