i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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