know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
