I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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