i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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