Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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