You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Actions speak louder than pants.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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