guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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