I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
